I’m not going to try and claim that my son is the future Dalai Lama, or even that he’s especially smart (I mean, I’m biased, so of COURSE he’s the cleverest boy ever. But realistically, he still insists that he started at 2 and was NEVER, EVER a baby) – but just occasionally, he has a refreshing way of cutting through the bull**** and saying things that make me stop and think.
I figured I ought to record some of these, in case he turns out to be a) famous one day, or b) an accountant, and we therefore can no longer hold conversations we both understand. Hoping you’ll enjoy some of them too. Next week, he’ll be recording his work-out video…
1) Post nativity: “They said there was no room at the inn, but I saw there was. They just needed to move things around a bit.”
Yup, I’d say that pretty much would have sorted that one.
2) After quizzing me about why I was moisturising (and my eventual reply that “sometimes it’s nice to look nice”): “Don’t worry, Mummy. You always look nice to me. That’s because you’re my Mummy.”
Said with a patronising pat on the cheek. I didn’t know whether to be touched or huffy, but figured I’d better say thank you. Compliments rarely go amiss.
3) “Some of the boys at nursery were saying they didn’t like me, so I laughed at them and said ‘I’ll go and play with the girls now and you’ll like me again in the morning.’”
Huh. I wish I’d known to respond like that when I was 3… and 12… and 18… and 30. Yeah.
4) “When I’m grown up, I will be a spare daddy, so I can look after all the babies who don’t have mummies and daddies.” Just… awwwww!
5) “Some people have mummies and daddies who live in the same house, but I’m lucky. I have two houses, and two gardens, and two beds, and five train-sets.” I think the train-set might be the winner there.
6) To a 5-year-old boy getting frustrated that he couldn’t climb up the climbing-frame: “You’re doing very well. When you’re older, you will be so tall, you can just reach it, so don’t worry.”
Luckily, I don’t think said 5-year-old realised he was 2 years younger – and probably wasn’t as alert to being patronised as someone my age.
7) In response to me ranting about a slow driver in front: “They’re probably just having a nice drive. We have nice drives, don’t we Mummy? When you’re not cross with the other cars.”
Grargh. I hate it when he makes me feel like a horrible old grumpy parent…
8) R: I don’t like being told off.
Me: I don’t like telling you off either. If you do as you’re told, I won’t tell you off.
R: If you only ask me to do things I want to do, I’ll always do what I’m told. Then we’ll both be happy, won’t we?
Me: Unless you do things that are dangerous.
R: Would eating a chocolate biscuit be dangerous?
It was probably just because it was late and he’d spent 2 hours faffing instead of going to sleep, but I couldn’t think of a good response to this one. Sometimes his reality seems to alter mine in a slightly disturbing way…